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"This is some of the stupidest shit I've ever seen."
- Anonymous FB friend

"It was better than I expected  I guess"
- Anonymous FB friend

"Lol I’m curious to hear what you think of this season"
- Anonymous FB friend

 
 

EPISODE 1

  • The opening of this episode, with the election getting called for Trump, gave me, like, small scale PTSD.
  • The conversation about 'tell your friends why their rights are going to be taken away because your ass was too busy on Etsy to go vote' was a real conversation I heard too. This episode basically nailed that aspect of election night.
  • Peter Evans is every awful hyper-Trump fan I've ever talked to on the internet.
  • This must be what it was like for the right when Obama won in 2008, except I don't think any of them were worried he was going to accidentally nuke us.
  • OH GROSS DON'T RUB CHEETOS ON YOUR SKIN THAT'S SO BAD FOR YOUR COMPLEXION
  • Hahaha, glad to see that we're going to paint EVERYBODY in the least subtle strokes possible. Clinton Girl is worried where she's gonna get her next abortion, for real?
  • Trump Boy and Clinton Girl have a pinky promise, so I know this is fiction because they still seem to faintly like each other.
  • Opening credits are... more disjointed than usual. Maybe it gets more thematic as the show goes on and it ties together? The opening credits of this show are literally this:
  • Straight to Twisty, huh? I mean, I like Twisty, but straight to Twisty, huh?
  • Soooo you're gonna try to shoot the supernatural clown with your gun, huh?
  • Is this like a movie within a movie type thing? The camera work makes it seem like maybe it is...
  • Yeah OK it was a comic book, makes sense.
  • If his mom is dead terrified of clowns, where did her kid get a clown comic book? Did his other mom buy him the comic book? Because that shit's pretty mean if you know someone else is terrified of something.
  • HAHAHA his name is Kai of course it is
  • In case you weren't clear Kai is the villain, he has a man bun.
  • "Fear is currency" is probably one of the truest things about modern America, shiiiiiiit.
  • Kai is a crackpot nutball, and I've heard his exact speech about the strong leading the weak from serious actual people.
  • We're literally talking about 4chan and being triggered. I'm getting the vibe of where this season is going.
  • YEAH YOU KNOW WHAT, CORAL IS KINDA GROSS UP CLOSE, GOOD FOR YOU
  • Hahaha, she refers to President Obama on a first-name basis, which is so perfect.
  • "I've cut out social media and deleted my Twitter. I don't need to know every bad thing that happens in the world." And now Crossfit. LOL
  • The slow, dramatic reveal of a dude putting on a MAGA hat is the tiny betrayal that every liberal has felt at least once in the last year.
  • It occurs to me that if I keep shitting on these episodes via live blog, I'll probably die three episodes in. So maybe I'll just shit on this one.
  • AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CLOWN SODOMY
  • Seriously, if you literally write down 'clown sodomy' you realize how dumb this shit is.
  • OK is this really happening because what grocery store allows clown invasions.
  • Her in the parking lot is like:
  • So it's fake, OK, cool. Hopefully this season isn't going to do an 'it's all real and they're messing with her to prove that fear works' or something deal. That'd be kinda lame.
  • "We're talking about our restaurant PSYCH WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SEX NOW!"
  • Their restaurant is the Butchery on Main, which is JUST SO SUBTLE, MMMMM YES
  • Kai shows up to toss a latte on someone because his main character trait is that he's an asshole.
  • Clinton Girl is named Winter, nicknamed Winnie, which is ironic because she has a poo roll on her head.
  • Winnie the Poo Roll hates kids, loves pinky promises, and  quit college to work for Hillary. OK.
  • NAMEDROPPING LENA DUNHAM GET THIS SHIT OUTTA HERE
  • Let's talk about more casual sex stuff I guess?
  • "I've never wanted to kill anybody." "Bullshit." At least that's realistic, hahaha.
  • Kai scares Winnie the most, so of course they're very close friends.
  • Kai is a racist asshole to get beaten up so he can claim he's the victim. America 2017, folks.
  • "It's called the Dark Web." YOU'RE NOT ON THE DARK WEB JUST STOP.
  • This season is obsessed with clowns performing sexual acts. So, like, politics?
  • AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CLOWN-BASED MELTDOWNS
  • OK so the clowns in the store WERE real and everyone who voted for Trump is untrustworthy and evil, GOT IT.
  • So the clown people are home invasion murderers and they're inoculating the kid with their ideas or something? Is this a metaphor? I mean, it's obviously Kai attempting to stir up some shit, but seriously, what?
  • Kai and the Clown Posse like to murder people who've embarrassed them, and now they're gaslighting the rest of us. I mean, is this a metaphor? I think it's a metaphor.
  • AMERICAN HORROR STORY: HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE, WE GOT CLOWNS EVERYWHERE UP IN HERE
  • Clowns in your head, clowns in your bed. This season is going to be bad, isn't it. :(