PERSONAL GROOMING

Personal grooming is a hot-button issue for men. Lots of men view taking care of your body hair as 'unmanly' or 'feminine', but the truth is that personal care is an important part of anyone's hygiene routine.

Now, there are a million rules and a million different opinions on male body hair, and you're not going to please everybody. The recommendations here are based on surveys of women and what types of male body hair they're cool with. You can disregard any of these and do whatever you want, but this is what the numbers say, so pay attention.

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1 - HAIRSTYLE

Good news, gentlemen, there is no consensus from women on what haircut is universally liked. As long as your hair is clean and styled, you're basically fine. There is, however, two sub-points that most women agree on. First, over the age of 30, you probably need a haircut -- women overwhelmingly reported that long hair becomes less flattering the older you get. Two, if you're starting to bald into the classic Dr. Phil horseshoe pattern, just shave your head and get it over with. Women reported finding bald men sexier than dudes with obvious balding issues who are trying to cover it up.

 

2 - EYEBROWS AND FACIAL HAIR

More good news, there's no consensus here either. Some people think beards are sexy, some don't. Most women don't particularly like mustaches on their own, so maybe avoid that, but other than that you can't really go wrong. Two more sub-rules, however: your facial hair needs to be clean and tidy (virtually all women agree on this), and your eyebrows need to be maintained. No unibrow, no huge caterpillar eyebrows, just some basic maintenance. If you're unsure what to do about your eyebrows, ask literally any woman nearby, they'll help you sort it out. They've got strong opinions on the subject.

 

3 - CHEST AND BODY HAIR

The vast majority of polled women agree that they like their men au natural, i.e., as nature made 'em. That said, it's not a bad idea to keep everything all tidy and trimmed up. It'll make you less sweaty and muggy in the summer, and you'll never haver to worry about chest hair poking through your dress shirts. Buy this bad boy and use it to keep everything a uniform length. You'll probably only need to do it once a month, but it's good for keeping your body hair in check, as well as keeping your facial hair uniform and tidy.

 

4 - THE OLD TWIG AND BERRIES

Again, women have reported liking a man who is au natural down here, but I'm going to deviate from this a tiny bit. Dudes, trim this up. Both the penis and the testicles are functionally more useful and are definitely more hygienic when they're cropped a little closer than the rest of your body hair. Don't shave everything completely, since it'll make you look like you're ten years old. Instead, get a nice body hair groomer, put it on the second or third shortest setting, and trim up that way. It's a happy medium between being natural and not being super messy. If you only take one piece of advice from this page, make it this one. Nobody wants a 1980s porn bush when you take off your underwear.

 

5 - TOE HAIR

This is hilariously specific, but here we go: shave the hair off the top of your foot and your toes if you've got hairy feet or toes. Apparently that's universally unsexy.

 

6 - HAIRY BACK

While a wide majority of women preferred their men natural looking, they were pretty equally split on back hair. Some are OK with it, plenty are grossed out by it. Play it safe and use the body groomer I linked above, and keep your back relatively hair free. Wax it if you've gotta, but I'm gonna say it's better to be safe than sorry on this one.

 

7 - LOWER BACK HAIR

Even if your back isn't hairy, all men will eventually grow a small patch of hair on their lower back, directly above the butt. Nearly all women said that this patch of hair was incredibly unsexy and super gross, so it's not up for discussion: shave that patch of hair.

 

8 - BUTT HAIR

If you've got a hairy butt, the good news is that women sorta expect it. Be kind, however, and at least keep it trimmed up with the rest of your body hair. No excessively hairy butts means less of a chance of swamp butt during the summers too.

 

9 - HAIRY HANDS

Our final item is also a universal one -- nearly all women said they thought it was gross when men had excessive hair on their knuckles and the back of their hands. Trim off your knuckle hairs, and use a personal groomer to significantly trim down the back of your hands. Taper it up into your arm hair a little bit if you've got to, but this is another area where hair probably has to go in order to fit modern grooming standards.