AUSTIN PREVENTS
- THE END OF THE WORLD -

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
— Matthew 24:36
Watch therefore: for you know not what hour your Lord does come.
— Matthew 24:42
Therefore be you also ready: for in such an hour as you think not the Son of man comes.
— Matthew 24:44

A thought experiment:

The Bible is very clear about the End of Days, i.e., the Apocalypse, e.g., The Big One. While it doesn’t give details, it is clear about one thing in particular: humans don’t know when it’s gonna happen. Humans can’t know when it’s gonna happen. They really spend a lot of time hammering home that point, so much so that it gets mentioned three times in Matthew 24.

So let’s unpack that a little. What if I can make an ongoing prediction — no, a guarantee — that I know when the world is going to end. Down to the literal second.

Below is a Javascript clock, programmed to be exactly one second ahead of actual time. It’s my guaranteed knowledge that the world is going to end exactly at the time listed on that clock.

By me knowing the world is going to end one second in advance, have I forestalled the Apocalypse? If no man can know, and I’m very clearly stating, in writing, when I think the world is going to end, then as long as this page is active, the world can’t possibly end, right?


I, Austin Hudson, guardian of Earth and defender of all life in the universe, hereby promise, solemnly swear, 100% guarantee, that the end of the world is going to occur at precisely:

today, thus protecting life against the Biblical Apocalypse, now and forever, amen.