Diminishing Milkshake Returns

DEAR AUSTIN: My milkshake brings only some of the boys to the yard. It used to bring all of them. What gives?

STUMPED IN SOJO

DEAR STUMPED IN SOJO: As we age, it can be difficult to grapple with the diminishing potency of our milkshakes… The milkshakes that, previously in our youth, attracted many suitors instead attracts fewer and fewer. Please don’t take this as an indictment of your personal milkshake quality, as I’m sure your flavors are still as delicious as ever. Instead, understand that the things that attract young people tend to change over time, and without adapting, we can find ourselves lonely and ‘boy-less’, so to speak. This phenomenon has happened many times before, and will happen again; with thought, we can recall previous attention-grabbers such as ‘groove things’, ‘my neck, my back’, and ‘my humps’. It is my suggestion that you work on your own personal growth and learn to age gracefully rather than adding novelty flavors to your malt shop.