Space Pirates

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A Very Cool and Very Real Group

Hello and welcome to the online home of the Space Pirates, Earth’s first space-based piracy outfit.

When space travel becomes practical and affordable, we solemnly vow to go to space to do Cool Space Crimes™, including stealing space cargo from rich people’s spaceships, drawing obscene doodles on the surface of other planets, getting Space Drunk (which is like getting regular drunk but in space so it’s much more illegal), and showing our bare buttocks to Ted Cruz’s house as we float by in space.

 

SPACE PIRATE CODE

  1. Every space pirate has a vote in affairs of the moment and has equal title to the fresh provisions, or strong liquors, at any time seized, and may use them at pleasure, unless in times of scarcity.

  2. Every space pirate gets an equal share of the space booty because we’re also Space Communists, did I mention that, oh shit, now you know I guess.

  3. Spaceship lights out at 9 PM so that we can all get our rest, but if you want to get Space Drunk, you can still do that on the open deck.

  4. To keep their laser pistol or laser sword clean and fit for service.

  5. You can be Space Gay, Space Trans, Space Bi, or any other Space Sexual Orientation. These are different than regular sexual orientations because they take place in space and maybe everything will feel weird and good in zero gravity, who could say, no judgements, explore yourself… in space!

  6. To desert the ship or your quarters in battle is punished with death or being stuck back on Earth.

  7. No striking one another on board, but every man's quarrels to be ended planetside, at laser sword and laser pistol.

  8. Once you’re a Space Pirate, you don’t get to stop being a Space Pirate until we’re all billionaires. In the event that a Space Pirate is maimed or crippled in the service, he or she will receive a cool new robot limb at the cost of the group.

  9. If someone tells you Space Piracy isn’t cool, you are required to flip them off and then skate off/float off on a skateboard. If a skateboard is not available, walking backwards while maintaining middle fingers is acceptable.

 

SPACE PIRATE SIGN-UP FORM

Name *
Name
I agree to the Space Pirate code, will be available when Space Piracy starts, and am not a dork narc that is going to ruin Space Piracy for everyone. *